Yeah I still pray

(a poem)

Yeah I still pray

somewhat more than I used to
but with a lot less words than I used to
I think less of myself 
and more 
of the wind in the spring
and how you see it
only because it makes the leaves move

I pray 
with less confidence in what I say
or how it's arranged
I've learned I deserve 
more of the guilt and shame
But somehow 
I now have less of both to claim

I have fewer answers 
for the same questions that keep me up at night
but more sleep
less hills that I’m willing to die on
and more peace
less clinging for control 
and a little more release

I still pray
but now I’m thankful 
for every trial and every lesson
I no longer think 
everything that shines is a blessing
or every pretty face that smiles 
won’t bring you testing

I still pray
I just have less 
on my list 
of things to ask for
and more gratitude
I can’t prove anyone hears these prayers 
but I’ve stopped trying to 

I still pray
play my guitar 
or grab my pen
close my eyes 
and say
Heavenly Father 
it's me again

Men praying in church. Daufuskie Island. South Carolina. USA. 1952. © Constantine Manos / Magnum Photos

—JG